Ask Candid Candace: Boundaries, bystanders and friends

Dear Candid Candace: Little bit of a touchy subject here, but I want your advice. We are good friends with our neighbors and have been for the past decade or so. They have no kids but the wife does travel for work often during the week. This past year, while she has been on business trips, I have noticed a steady stream of different females “visiting” the house. I don’t think they are plumbers, yard workers or internet techni­cians, if you know what I mean. So, here’s the question. Do I say something to the wife, who is my good friend, or best to stay out of it and not get involved?—Trying To Look The Other Way

Dear Trying To Look The Other Way: This is one of the trickiest questions anyone could ever try to answer. There is the school of “keep your mouth shut unless you’ve seen them in bed together” and the alternate, “she’s your friend for God’s sake, she should know her husband is a cheat.” There’s also another possibility, “for all you know, they have an open relationship or agreement.” One thing for sure, you don’t want to make the wrong assumption and rush to judgment. You could be making a big mistake, jeopar­dizing their marriage and your friendship. Your gut will point you in the right direction. And maybe your sign-off, “trying to look the other way” gives you a clue as to what direc­tion you’re subconsciously leaning towards?

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Dear Candid Candace: Recently, I witnessed an incident at the airport. A gentleman, particularly frustrated that his flight was being delayed, started started yelling and getting uncomfortably mad at the ladies at the front counter. I have seen similar types of disturbances in retail stores and restaurants of late. The question is this: Should an “in­nocent bystander,” like myself, step in and try and calm the situation or do you think outside in­terference from the general public just exaggerates and elevates the problem? Not sure what should’ve been the best course of action here.—To Help Or Not To Help

Dear To Help or Not to Help: Tensions are definitely high across the country right now with so many uncertainties facing us as well as crime that’s out of control. It’s very easy to lose your temper these days, however, directly confronting someone can be risky, because you can become a target, too. In many situa­tions, another option is to talk to the person being harassed. You can ask if he or she needs help thus taking the focus off the harasser, who hopefully will retreat, and also allowing the person to let you know if she wants or needs your help. If the argument seems to be getting out of control, you should look for a supervisor or someone in charge and report the situation. Sometimes, even though every fiber of your being wants to showcase your “fists of steel,” it’s not always the most pru­dent thing to do.

(Ask Candid Candace is sponsored by Randolph Street Market. Send questions to: [email protected]. Follow Candid Candace (Candace Jordan) on Facebook, Insta, Linke­dIn and Twitter).