Jon Cohn: De-icing Chicago

As a result of the unsettling display of military force and intimidation shown around our city this past weekend, Chicago is in bad need of some significant “de-icing.”

On behalf of those bothered, annoyed or worse yet, intimidated by the I.C.E. presence, let's attempt to take this term out of our everyday vocabulary,  wherever and whenever we can.

For instance:

Ice tea:   Now to be called “chilled tea”

Ice hockey:  Just hockey, thank you very much

The famous Ice Capades show:  Now to be called “dancing on cold slippery sheets”

De-icing your car:  Now only use “defrosting”

Ice cubes in your drink, e.g., I’ll have a vodka over ice: Simply ask for a vodka (or any drink) with “cold cubes please.”

Ice arena:  Heretofore to be called a “cold covered stadium”

Icicles:  Instead, they are now “frozen long pointy things”

Announcer saying “It’s time to put this game on ice”:   Please change to--“this game has been totally frozen over.”

In history class, the “Ice Age” will now be known as “the period when more than just hell was frozen over.”

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An “icebox”:  Ha ha!  We already got that one…a refrigerator!

An Iceberg? “A large floating frostee”

“You’re treading on thin ice there, fella.”  Instead, just say “ You gonna melt soon if you don’t get your act together.”

An ice chest?  Easy…A cooler dispensary