Ask Candid Candace: Chastened in church and have children's birthday parties gone too far?

Dear Candid Candace—I wanted your thoughts, as we are now parents of young children starting to go to their friends’ birthday parties. They have been invited to pirate-themed parties, magic shows, treasure hunts, princess parties, face painting parties, and even spa parties and laser tag parties! And, upon leaving they are given a “goodie bag” the size of a small carry-on suitcase. Whatever happened to the good old basic birthday party with friends? Your thoughts on this growing trend? And how do I convince my kids that simple is better?

—It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To

Dear It’s My Party—First off, I couldn’t agree more. I do believe these “children’s parties” (which let’s face it, are really a chance for the parents to polish up their self-confidence by going over the top to celebrate and show off) have gotten out of hand. I don’t believe that more is better in this case. Do the kids really know or care how much is spent? I believe they care more about quality time with their friends and family, and this doesn’t need to be a contest to see who can spend the most money. I think teaching kids to be happy shouldn’t be based on monetary and material concerns but rather on how much love is there. Granted, everything is relative—one could say if you have it, why not spend it? And there is an argument to be had here for sure. I’m just saying don’t let the size/money spent/are the Backstreet Boys performing? be the sole focus. Sometimes, combining a lot of love with friends and family, and just playing “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” with a homemade cake can be enough. We don’t have to be a Kardashian to have a happy life.

Dear Candid Candace—I am a long-time churchgoer but have been particularly bothered of late by the physical greetings we are told to give to the folks sitting next to us, in front and behind us, all as part of the “tradition” of the church. Because of my age, with viruses being passed around, and some recent health problems, I don’t want to appear rude, but I don’t really feel comfortable doing this. Any suggestions for the best way not to offend my nice church neighbor when they extend a hand for a greeting?

—Confused in the Church Pew

Dear Confused in the Church Pew—There is no question, with COVID fears, monkeypox and Lord knows what else, now a part of our everyday lives, that things have changed. And with that, so have the rules of etiquette. In no way, shape or form should you do anything that goes against your intuition or feelings about keeping safe. If wearing a mask or avoiding situations, like you mention in church, makes you feel safer, then do it. This does not make you “rude.” It would be “rude” if others tried to make you feel uncomfortable for your beliefs. A simple elbow bump should suffice and telegraph to your fellow parishioners that this is as far as you’re willing to go to extend the “hand of greeting.” I believe we need to follow the law, of course, but in situations where you are allowed to make your own decisions as described above, I think you need to follow your instincts. Keeping safe is more important than perceived slights.