Ask Candid Candace: Dealing with a Halloween horror and a demanding mom

Dear Candid Candace: Labor Day just came and went, and now all my suburban neighbors are hyper-focused on Halloween. Like every year, folks around here are fixated upon adult party plans which include the opportunity to dress scantily and imbibe heavily. This year, there are even competing adult parties within the neighborhood. It seems to me that this holiday has spiraled out of control among adults and the little kids are getting left behind with either a babysitter or intoxicated parents. Any ideas as to how to change this neighborhood dynamic, or do we just do Halloween our way – keep in mind that suburban shunning occurs if events go unattended. Signed, Halloweened Out

Dear Halloweened Out: Oh, the horror! It seems like Halloween has turned your suburban paradise into a spooky battleground of competing adult parties. It's like the Hunger Games, but with pumpkin spice lattes instead of weapons. But fear not, for I have some advice that might help you navigate this eerie neighborhood dynamic. Reverse psychology might be an option. Instead of trying to change the neighborhood plans, embrace the chaos. Show up at one of the adult parties dressed as a babysitter or a designated driver. People might get the hint that someone needs to be sober enough to drive the kids to school! OR you can embrace the Halloween spirit, but with a twist! Host a neighborhood-wide "Zombie Apocalypse" theme party. Encourage everyone to dress up as the undead and wander the streets. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? This way, the kids won't feel left out because who doesn't love a good ol' zombie chase? Kidding aside, I do feel like there’s been a shift between enjoying and planning Halloween for the kids to adults using it as an excuse to misbehave. I miss the old days, when you’d open your door and an adorable kid was standing there dressed as a Marvel hero. No matter what, I would do Halloween YOUR way, no need to blindly follow the crowd. Make it fun and appropriate for you and your family because, in the end, that’s all that really matters….suburban shunning be damned.

Dear Candid Candace: I am concerned about a situation unfolding within a family that I’ve known and loved for years. Recently, Audrina became a widow. Prior to this, there had been a dynamic of demands and subservience between Audrina and her two daughters. It’s been only a few months since her recent loss and both daughters have put themselves and their grieving aside to respond to Audrina’s demands in terms of making sure she’s entertained every weekend and helping her get the house ready to sell. These daughters have their own families that are being put on the back burner. Every weekend, one daughter takes Saturday and the other Sunday to make sure Audrina has something to occupy her time. Audrina does not have friends, nor hobbies and will not join retirement groups. Please help. Signed, Concerned and Helpless

Dear Concerned and Helpless: Well, well, well, it sounds like Audrina has turned into the ultimate queen bee of her hive! First, let me say that your concern is absolutely valid. It's like Audrina's daughters have signed up for a never-ending shift at the "Mom Café," where the menu consists solely of catering to her demands! But humor aside, let's tackle this sticky situation with some practical advice. Obviously, losing a spouse is a devastating situation that requires gentle understanding. That being said, no one should be taken for granted. Her daughters have been very kind and generous with their time, but they have families and lives that need attention too. If this hasn’t been done yet, I suggest a sit-down with all concerned so the daughters can air their feelings.

A rotating schedule might help take the pressure off too, with each daughter dedicating only one weekend per month. Also, you could suggest some activities outside the house. Audrina might not want to join retirement groups, but perhaps there's a local community event or a library club she could attend. A therapy or support group might be a good recommendation at this time as well.

And, there's always Netflix! Get her involved in a series she might enjoy. Binge-watching a series can be a one-woman hobby and maybe she will stop demanding attention every weekend. Or, like my husband and I just did, adopt a pet! Believe me, that will take up 100% of her time.

And, if all else fails, don't be afraid to suggest a family trip to the local comedy club. Laughter is always the best medicine!

(Please send questions to [email protected] and follow @CandidCandace on Insta. Ask Candid Candace is sponsored by Randolph Street Market)