Ask Candid Candace: How to say 'no' and some advice on aging gracefully

Dear Candid Candace:  Happy New Year Candid Candace! I have a dilemma that I’m hoping you can help me with. Many folks go to therapy nowadays and while I was brunching with a girlfriend last weekend, she mentioned that during her next session, instead of talking about a horrific break up with a boyfriend, she plans to introduce an entirely new subject: aging. She’s having a problem with the very concept of aging (if I’m honest, I am too). I look at struggling, aging people who don’t seem happy and feel/hope it’s not for me. We both long for a simple surgical procedure to look like we are in our 30’s again. How are we to age gracefully, other than taking up needlepoint and joining retirement groups?

Signed: Anti-Agers Seeking Help

Dear Anti-Agers Seeking Help:  You are definitely not alone! I don’t have many girlfriends who aren’t on the same eternal quest to defy the relentless march of time. Aging, as they say, is not for the faint-hearted. But, let’s be honest, it’s a helluva lot better than the alternative!

I think part of the fear of aging is a lack of contentment in your own life. When you’re happy and fulfilled with activities to look forward to, you don’t have as much time to worry about other things. But I know looking in the mirror and not seeing the face you remember from your youth can be disconcerting.  However, remember that each of those laugh lines are the result of a happy memory. The more you have, the merrier your life has been. Instead of “frowning” upon them, why not embrace them for what they are- indicators of a life well lived.

Here's a few more suggestions for aging gracefully:

1. Acceptance: It's essential to acknowledge that aging is a natural part of life. Instead of resisting it, try embracing it as a new phase filled with opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.
2. Mindset Matters: Your perspective on aging plays a significant role in how you experience it. Focus on the positives: the wisdom, the life lessons, and the freedom that comes with age.
3. Self-Care: Take good care of your physical and mental health. A balanced diet, regular exercise, and staying socially engaged are keys to feeling youthful and maintaining vitality.
4. Surgical Procedures: If you're considering cosmetic procedures, do so with caution. While they can enhance your appearance, they won't address the emotional aspects of aging. Make these decisions for yourself, not to conform to societal pressures.
5. Passions and Hobbies: Engaging in activities you're passionate about can add purpose and fulfillment to your life.
6. Therapy: Your idea of discussing aging in therapy is a great one. A therapist can help you explore your fears, find meaning in this stage of life, and develop strategies to navigate the emotional challenges of aging.
7. Community: Building a support system and connecting with like-minded individuals can make the journey more enjoyable.
8. Legacy and Impact: Consider what you want to leave behind. Aging is an opportunity to reflect on your life's purpose and how you want to impact the world, whether through family, philanthropy, or other means.

Remember, aging is not the enemy; it's an opportunity to write new chapters in the story of your life. Embracing this stage with grace and a positive outlook can make the journey more meaningful and fulfilling.

So, stay young at heart, keep busy, interact with friends and family and keep the laugh lines coming!

Candid Candace

Dear Candid Candace: I’m wondering how to deal with an ongoing tendency to overschedule life in general. My habit is to say “yes” to everything, and then inevitably feel as if I’m running around like the proverbial chicken with its head cut off. While it’s good that I like my career and many important projects that I deem worthy, despite modern-day conveniences like online planners and our smart phones, life can still feel out of control. And now, as we head into 2025, do you have any suggestions on how I can manage this perpetual situation?

Signed: An Overscheduled Individual

Dear Overscheduled Individual: This is certainly a problem most of us can relate to. Sometimes our calendars look a child got at it with a box of crayons. Post-its on top of post-its can look very daunting. And, it seems like the more tasks you have to do, the more likely you are to do absolutely nothing.

First, let's embrace the wisdom of the ages: "Less is more." Imagine your schedule as a sandwich, and you're trying to stuff every ingredient in the pantry between those slices of bread. It may sound delicious, but you'll end up with a messy, inedible monster. So, start by trimming the excess lettuce and tomato from your life sandwich. Prioritize what truly matters.

Next, practice the ancient art of saying "no." It's a magical word that can free up your schedule faster than a Harry Potter spell.

Now, for the modern twist: Technology is your friend, not your frenemy. Those online planners and smartphones are like loyal minions ready to serve you. Use them to streamline your tasks, set reminders, and make your life easier. In fact, delegate some tasks to them so you can focus on the things that truly spark joy.

As we approach 2025, remember that "FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out) is your enemy. Embrace the "JOMO" (Joy of Missing Out) instead. It's better to savor a cozy evening with loved ones than to say yes to everything and regret it later.

In the end, life is a bit like a buffet – you can't sample everything at once. So, be selective, pace yourself, and savor the delicious moments without turning into a headless chicken. With a dash of humor and a sprinkle of wisdom, you can find that perfect balance between a fulfilling life and a frazzled one.

Here’s looking forward to a well-balanced new year,

Candid Candace

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(Ask Candid Candace is sponsored by Randolph Street Market. (2025 schedule: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on April 27, May 24/25, Sept. 13/14, Sept. 27/28, Oct. 5, Nov. 15/16 and Dec. 13/14. randolphstreetmarket.com)