Ask Candid Candace: Keep options open when dealing with aging parents

Dear Candid Candace: My siblings and I are quite worried about our aging parents. Mom is 90 and Dad is 91. While they do not suffer from dementia, per se, they are not nearly as sharp as they used to be, which is of course understandable. Mom stopped driving years ago and Dad still does, but shouldn’t. Thankfully they have considerable savings and could easily afford high-quality senior living— money is not an issue. Candid, what happens if one of them becomes incapacitated? And then, not if but when one of them passes, the other will be alone in the apartment. We want to respect their independence, yet are increasingly worried about their well-being.

 —Worried about our Parents

Dear Worried: First off, I usually try to find something about a question that will allow me to inject some humor into it but, with yours, there is nothing remotely funny about caring for aging parents. Have you taken your parents to a senior living center for visits so they can see for themselves how perfect this arrangement might be for them? At this point in your parents’ lives, they don’t know anything other than independent living, and you’re right to respect this. Above all, don’t push—empathize and listen. And, while it may not be a permanent solution to the issue, convincing your loved ones to utilize a medical alert system could offer some relief and security for both parties.

Dear Candid Candace: I am materialistic and I’m ashamed. My birthday is coming up. If I don’t get precisely what I want, I know that I will feel very disappointed. I’ve tried things like volunteering for nonprofits to try to get back to reality, making a positive difference and changing my perspective, but it didn’t do anything. I still want a bigger house, faster car and the latest pair of sunglasses, and that’s what I strive for. Stuff makes me happy. I know I’m a good person in other ways. I’m not sure what else to do.

 —Affluenza

 Dear Affluenza: I’m guessing you’re not alone in these sentiments. As a matter of fact, for years, I “helped” my husband pick out my birthday gifts. And I agree, it sounds selfish and uncaring but I was only trying to save us both some trouble —him having to buy it and me having to return it. Frankly, as long as your husband is okay with this (and your family), I’m not sure why it should be a concern as to what others think. But I do suggest you offset your good fortune with some volunteerism for those less fortunate, which is really a good idea for everyone.

(Ask Candid Candace sponsored by Randolph Street Market. Send questions to: CandidCandace@ChicagoStarMedia.com. Follow Candid Candace (Candace Jordan) on Facebook, Insta, LinkedIn and Twitter.)