Ask Candid Candace: From dog fears to sideline frustration

Dear Candid Candace: A little neighborly problem for you. Our next door neighbor has just purchased a dog.... a pit bull!  The dad, in particular, is training it very well and so far the dog is very well behaved with no issues. But still it is a pit bull, and I have read some truly awful stories in the past. We have little kids that like to play in the yard, so my husband and I are obviously concerned. We get along with the neighbor just fine and don't want to upset that particular dynamic. Do we let it roll and hope the dog stays well trained or do we say something about our concerns? Signed: Bark Worse Than Bite?

Dear Bark Worse Than Bite: It's wonderful that your neighbor is actively training their new pit bull, and you're wise to consider your children's safety. I’m well aware of the reputation of these dogs, which I feel is largely unwarranted- I’m reminded of Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer’s comment. He said, “there are no bad dogs, only bad owners,” so I would be taking a good, hard look at the owner’s training skills, as well. In any case, here are a few common-sense approaches you might want to consider:

Have a friendly chat: Schedule a friendly and casual conversation with your neighbor. Express your appreciation for their efforts in training the dog and share your concern about the breed's reputation. Politely discuss your worries about the safety of your kids playing in the yard and ask if there are any additional precautions they can take.

Propose safety measures: Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, suggest practical safety measures that would ease your concerns. This could include reinforcing the fence, ensuring the dog is always on a leash during walks or perhaps arranging specific playtimes when the dog is indoors.

Educate yourself: Take the opportunity to educate yourself more about pit bulls. Sometimes, fears are based on misconceptions. Learning about the breed's traits, proper training methods, and responsible ownership might help alleviate some concerns.

Play together: If you feel comfortable, arrange a playdate with the kids and the dog in a controlled environment. This can help you observe the dog's behavior firsthand and build trust with your neighbors. Positive experiences can go a long way in easing fears.

Remember, open communication is key. It's possible that your neighbors are unaware of your concerns and may be willing to work together to find a solution that ensures everyone's safety and peace of mind. Arf! Arf!

Subscribe to Chicago Star’s Weekly City Buzz Newsletter

Dear Candid Candace: A sports question for you from a frustrated parent. My kid is playing on a YMCA basketball team but is getting frustrated and I don’t blame him! The best player on the team is (of course) the son of the coach of the team. The coach is really a nice guy, but he constantly lets his kid bring up the ball and dominate play and shoot most of the time. The other kids on the team are kind of standing around, just watching him, and not really having much fun or learning the game. So, the question is: Do we parents say something to the coach?  Is that overstepping the boundaries? I certainly don't want to be known as the complaining youth sport parent. Any advice on this one?Signed: Frustrated Hoops Mom

You may also like these related Chicago Star articles: 

• Ask Candid Candace: Woman can’t move on after being ‘jilted’ by social media friend

• Ask Candid Candace: Trouble with contractors and tips for how to get the family to enjoy a baseball game

• Ask Candid Candace: Wife turned off when husband is online

Dear Frustrated Hoops Mom: The first thing that jumped out at me from your note is the fact that you said, “the best player on the team is the son of the coach.” So, maybe he has a reason to play him often if this is the case? However, I know you don’t like seeing your son left out and I understand this completely. This is a tricky situation and not an easy one to get around. Personally, I would just take my ball and child and move to another friendlier and more inclusive team, but that’s just me. Navigating situations like these can be delicate, but it's important to address concerns to ensure a positive experience for all the kids involved. Here are some tips on how you might want to approach this issue:

Choose the right time and place: Find an appropriate time and place to discuss your concerns with the coach. Avoid doing it in the heat of the moment, like right after a game. Instead, schedule a private conversation where you can express your thoughts calmly, remember CALMLY!

Be positive and constructive: Start the conversation on a positive note by acknowledging the coach's efforts and expressing your appreciation for their dedication to the team. (Try to keep your fists in your pockets.) Then, gently share your observations and concerns, presenting them in a way that emphasizes the overall well-being and development of ALL the players, not just his own son.

Use "I" statements: Use "I" statements to express your feelings and observations, rather than placing blame. For example, say, "I've noticed that some kids on the team seem a bit disengaged during games (LIKE MINE, sorry my typing got away from me), and I was wondering if we could explore ways to involve everyone more in the game."

Ask for the coach's perspective: Give the coach an opportunity to share their perspective. They might not be aware of the impact their coaching style is having on the other players. Open a dialogue and try to understand their reasoning for allowing their child to dominate the play. (And pray it’s not just from pure selfishness).

Suggest alternatives: Instead of just highlighting the issue, offer constructive suggestions. Propose ideas for drills, rotations, or strategies that would allow all the players to actively participate and improve their skills.

Emphasize team development: Highlight the importance of team development and the benefits of ensuring that every player gets a chance to contribute and learn. Reinforce the idea that youth sports should be about fostering a love for the game and personal growth, and not just for ONE team member.

Avoid confrontation (this is a tough one for me): Keep the conversation respectful and avoid confrontational language. The goal is to collaborate with the coach, not create tension. Emphasize your desire to work together for the benefit of all the kids on the team.

We all know youth sports should be a positive and enriching experience for every child involved. By approaching the situation with care and consideration, you can contribute to creating a more inclusive and enjoyable environment for all players. I know it won’t be easy keeping your temper in check- I’m fired up now just from reading this. Good luck.

(Ask Candid Candace is sponsored by Randolph Street Market. Send questions to [email protected])

(Article updated 5/20/26)