Ask Candid Candace: Reader believes beauty lies within but wants 'some work done'

Dear Candid Candace:

I’m thinking of getting some work done on my face. A little tune up. I told myself when I was younger that I would NEVER do it. I even made a point of teaching my daughter that cosmetic surgery for frivolous reasons—like looking prettier—was a bad thing. Beauty lies within, after all. I’ve aged and I feel differently now. I want to sneak off and get some work done against my family’s and daughter’s wishes. Should I do it?

—Not scared of the knife

Dear Not Scared:

Undergoing ANY kind of surgery is risky business and something that should not be undertaken lightly. It requires a lot of thought, research and awareness. It can also be very expensive. But, if cost is no obstacle, then it comes down to personal choices, whether you’re healthy enough to undergo surgery and how much their opinion means to you. But, if you’re hellbent on doing this, let your family know that this choice would make you happier, more confident and comfortable in your own skin. That their opinion of it won't affect what you choose to do but you would be very appreciative if they could support you. Be straightforward, explain the process, expenses and risks and then follow your gut.

Dear Candid Candace:

At a recent family reunion, my sister-in-law shocked us with a new masculine hairdo. She had completely shaved one side of her head and left the other in a boyish short style. My relatives and I can’t help but wonder what prompted such a sudden change in her appearance. My mother is livid and says my sister-in-law is trying to make a point of some kind. Her husband, my brother, has confided that he finds it unattractive.

Whispers and rumors are surfacing and I feel bad for my brother, who has to deal with all the inquiries. I asked my sister-in-law about her cut and she said that she was just going for something different. Can it really be so benign? It’s changed the way I regard her entirely and frankly I am shocked by how strongly I’ve reacted.

 —Lockless

Dear Lockless: My first thought is to say good for your sister-in-law. I’m a huge fan of short hair and wore mine about two inches long for years. My hair is longer now and I yearn for the days sans all the styling tools that now clutter my bathroom, not to mention the ungodly length of time it takes for me to get ready for anything, even a quick trip to the lobby for mail!

Anyway, I’m sad that your brother/her husband is baffled by this drastic change. I do agree that there could be a deeper meaning for this new 'do. Maybe she isn't getting enough attention from him and this is her way of saying, "Hey there, look at me!"

I hope your brother will ask, or has asked, her to explain this decision and they have had a sit-down discussion? Whispering behind her back isn’t helping anyone, so the couple needs to talk this out themselves, without outside family influences that will only escalate the situation. That being said, I do feel her hair choices are her own, and yes, it could be as simple as wanting something entirely different. Also, maybe beneath your strong reaction to her new hairdo lies a deeper reason of your own for finding fault with it/her?

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