How to deal with holiday stress

The holiday season can be stressful because of the pressure we feel from multiple sources.

These pressures can be as varied as financial stress, relations with siblings or in-laws, time pressures or simply the complex experience of increased family intimacy – however your family is defined. Most of us have longstanding cultural expectations for this time of year; we long for happiness and fulfillment.

As we spend more time with those we are closest to, we think we “should” be happy. That expectation can sometimes leave us feeling disappointment and frustration. And if you are a caregiver, there may be a disparity between your personal goals and your caregiving responsibilities and commitments.

These relationship-based concerns can be exposed at the dinner table or some other event where family members come together.

How can we make the most of the opportunities the holidays present? Here are a few suggestions:

• Even if your primary commitment is to fulfill your caregiving responsibilities, try to save at least a little time each day to take care of yourself. Consider a little private time with your significant other, an hour at the gym, a good holiday book or movie, or a soak in the tub by candlelight.

• If you can, de-focus on spending a lot on gifts and re-focus on having fun together. Take a walk in the woods or along the lake – something that costs little or nothing and provides time to talk, love and be loved.

• Give some of your personal time to those less fortunate. Doing so can be satisfying and may help you appreciate your own less-than-perfect life. After all, who has a perfect life?

• If the holidays remind you of times past with someone who is now gone from your life, let yourself mourn that loss. Think about how much you miss him or her, then do everything you can to make your life better right now.

• Finally, let yourself ponder the fact that you are alive right now, at this moment in the history of this ancient world, and that you and your life are unique. You matter, and even if things are not what you might wish today, you are alive and can make good choices for yourself. No one knows where that act of self-caretaking can lead.

For those who just don’t feel up to any of the possibilities listed above, get help from a compassionate and skilled helper — a professional counselor or religious guide, a neighbor, a friend, or a mental health hotline such as the Warm Line at 1-866-359-7953.

My very best wishes to each of you for this upcoming holiday.

Walter D. Miller, LCSW, is a clinical social worker in New Eastside who specializes in children, adolescents and adults. He may be contacted at 312-856-0230.