Family, friends come together for virtual memorial services

The pandemic has dramatically changed the ways in which people celebrate important events, but as one Chicago-based company has found, even when distance and circumstances prove challenging, families and friends will always be committed to honoring the loved ones in their lives. 

Alexandra Koys,a Chicagoland native and current Loop resident, launched Lighten in 2019 during her first year at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She found inspiration for the memorial services companyafter planning a funeral service for her uncle and observing several aspects of the traditional funeral industry that felt outdated, including a lack of technology and a sad, somber environment.

"That was not the environment that we were looking for for my uncle," Koys explained. "He was very young, a party kind of guy, so we wanted something that felt more celebratory."

Initially, Lighten operated as a concierge-style planning service that worked closely with clients to plan uplifting memorial ceremonies. When the pandemic hit last year, preventing families and friends from meeting in person, Koys decided to pivot and adapt to the changing environment by offering virtual celebrations of life.

"A lot of families are spread across the country these days and of course couldn't travel to be together when a loved one passed away." she said. "... So many families were reaching out and saying, 'What can we do right now? 'What are our options to still honor this person, still come together as a community?'"  

Since the pandemic began, Lighten has planned an average of one to five ceremonies a week, with more than 10,000 guests attending services either virtually or in person. While live ceremonies have been making a comeback in recent months, many families have opted to include a virtual option for guests who are unable to travel or are not yet comfortable with socializing in groups 

Lighten partners with local venues to offer experiential packages centered around an individual's passions and interests -- for instance, an avid sports fan might be commemorated through a tailgate-style event at Trigger Chicago, complete with sports memorabilia as decorations, while an art enthusiast's life might be celebrated at Floating World Gallery in Lincoln Park.

One of the most memorable services Lighten has created involved an outdoor memorial similar to a backyard service, Koys said.

"The family lives along a river in the northern suburbs, and the outdoor environment really provided a unique setting and a unique tribute environment, because we could do things like a celebratory balloon release," she said.

Mary Fencl, a longtime Chicago resident, first discovered Lighten through her niece, who attended the Booth School of Business with Koys. After the COVID-19 restrictions began easing this year, she reached out to Koys to discuss planning a service to honor her late husband,Tom, who lost his battle to lung cancer in April 2020.

"He knew hundreds of people, was adored by so many people," she said. "I needed to do something that was worthy of him and his life."

The resulting service, held July 26, 2021, at the historic Davis Theater in Lincoln Square — a property owned by the Fencls — featured a prayer service, words from a pastor, eulogies and a slideshow. The event was so well-attended that the service in the main theater was shown on screens in two other theaters, and a YouTube livestream was provided for guests unable to attend in person. 

"I couldn't have been more pleased with how everything went," Mary Fencl said. "I thought Alexandra and her team provided a level of professionalism and respect for the importance of the event to me and were very helpful."

Mark Pierce, a chaplain from Vancouver, Wash., came across Lighten while researching how to design an online memorial service for his mother. He said he was "blown away" by how well the company was able to organize the resulting ceremony. 

"Our experience was just great," Pierce said. "I told them a couple times after it was all over that their name is very appropriate for their business, because I was really feeling a lot of pressure, and when I contacted them and they took it on, it really did lighten the burden for me."

In a nod to Pierce's mother's work as a professional musician, Lighten was able to incorporate music throughout the virtual service on Oct. 17, 2021, which was attended by about 35 guests from around the country. The second half of the ceremony gave the guests time to talk and share their favorite memories.

For Koys, being able to help families in their journey toward healing has been the most important part of her work.

"We had a lot of families coming back and saying how meaningful an experience it was to finally feel like they were able to honor the person who passed and get closure personally on their grief," she said. "And I think to be able to give that to people and help people achieve that has been really rewarding."