Column: Warning — accents speak louder than words

After unexpectedly crying at the end of the rom-com "Always Be My Maybe" in July of 2019, I realized I might be a smidge lonely and definitely a smidge dramatic. Who knew a rom-com with Keanu Reeves would have so much influence on me?  

I had been single for over two years and had not made dating a priority as I was very focused on pursuing writing and stand-up comedy. I didn’t have time for dating, but I was clearly missing a companion — hence the waterworks. 

That night, I reactivated my Bumble account and started swiping. I didn’t find “Sean” that attractive; however, he was from Ireland and I have always wanted to date a guy with an accent — who hasn’t? 

There were a few red flags in the first phone conversation we had. Sean’s accent talked at me for an hour about his divorce, his family, his job. Sean’s accent barely asked me anything about myself but did ask if I was a “curvy girl,” which made me feel uncomfortable. 

Sean’s accent then suggested we run away and build a life in the French countryside together. My first impression was that Sean was completely nuts; however, his cute accent threw those red flags right into the Chicago River. I swiftly accepted his offer for drinks and did a little jig in my kitchen.  

The night of the date, Sean’s accent asked if we could get dinner instead of drinks and although I didn’t really want to, I accepted his accent’s change of plans as he suggested The Indian Garden, which is a favorite restaurant of mine in Streeterville. 

The charm of the accent slowly faded, as Sean picked saag paneer out of his teeth, belched loudly and blew his burp to the side. I thought, “Am I on a first date with a man or am I at Thanksgiving with my 10-year-old nephew?” 

Soon after, Sean’s green eyes stared into mine as he said, “You really have an interesting looking face.” 

I almost spit out my Naan. “Sean, I am not sure that is a compliment,” I said in disbelief. He argued that in Ireland it most certainly was. He then grabbed my hand and said, “Come on, now. You’re really a lovely girl, Meghan.” 

I laughed, slowly pulled my hand back and said, “Sean, that is very sweet, but my name is Bridget.”

Needless to say, Sean and I are now happily living in France — just kidding. I try to always find at least one lesson from each bad date I have. My lesson to share with the Chicago dating scene is that unfortunately, you have to date the person, not their accent.