Droning on and on: Figure it out already!

Watching the news while making my morning coffee has left me with a sad, half-brewed cup of cold sludge sitting abandoned on my Keurig and a mood thoroughly trashed. It’s almost Christmas, and yet here we are, still droning on about, well… drones. Over a month of speculation, and no one can offer a single shred of real evidence about what’s zipping around up there.

I get it–our government operates at a pace that could generously be described as “barely alive,” but you’d think by now we’d have some answers. Instead, they’re being accused of gaslighting the public with half-truths and cover-ups, fueling wild theories about life from galaxies far, far away.

Now, I’m not typically the type to join the tinfoil hat society, but I’ll admit, I’m starting to wobble like the Scarecrow finally cut loose in “The Wizard of Oz.” Some days, I’m convinced there’s something to all this, and other days, I can’t believe I let myself entertain such nonsense. But honestly, what else do we have at this point?

Diving into research to make sense of this madness has only led me to claims as absurd and frustrating as the drone sightings themselves. Here’s what I’ve pieced together so far: These drones supposedly pose no threat to public safety--despite the fact that we have no clue what they are or who’s behind them. Super-comforting, right?

Apparently, many sightings have been chalked up to mistaken identity, like bright stars, planets, low-flying satellites, or even manned commercial and private aircraft. And yet, according to the Pentagon, there’s “no evidence” of foreign threats. Sure, because that clears it all up. They might be drones. They might be manned aircraft. They might be used for corporate espionage, delivery system training missions, or--get this--hobbyists flying oversized, commercially unavailable drones.

Excuse me, what?! This is where I’ve officially landed in the “mind-boggled” phase of the government and media’s news cycle. They’re serving us a buffet of possibilities, and none of them are palatable or make any sense.

Let me get this straight: We’re supposed to believe that these school bus-sized flying objects, which are definitely not your standard hobby drones, are part of some drone enthusiast club out in rural New Jersey? Really? Or, even better, that Amazon or Macy’s has decided the best time to test their cutting-edge delivery systems is at night… in the dark? Oh, and my personal favorite: corporate espionage. Sure, because sneaking around at night, when corporate offices are locked up tight, laptops are in sleep mode, and executives are all dreaming of stock options, makes total sense.

I have one word for these claims: what? Seriously, what is everyone thinking? The media is out here giving airtime to the wildest conspiracy theories while simultaneously whispering about “classified” government meetings. Here’s the thing: If you don’t know what’s being said behind those closed doors, then why even bother telling us there are closed doors at all? All this does is feed the never-ending loop of non-information and crank up public frustration.

What’s the game plan here? Because if they think this approach is helping, they’re sorely mistaken. Let’s break it down further, shall we?

An invasion of our nation’s capital happened because a small slice of the population couldn’t handle the election results. And yet, somehow, the identities of these so-called “insurrectionists” were magically pinpointed by freeze-framing millions of images from paused security footage featuring a sea of angry, running faces. Believable? I mean, sure… but also, highly unlikely.

Meanwhile, here I am watching old home movies of Christmas and New Year’s gatherings, and I can barely recognize my own mother’s face while she’s doing the Chubby Checker twist, grimacing as she tries to see how low she can go. Is it just me? Maybe I need better glasses, or better footage. Anyway, let’s keep it moving.

Closer to home, let’s talk about how the Chicago Police managed to identify two random, heavily disguised attackers in the Jussie Smollett attacker case. The surveillance footage they worked with? Grainy, taken from a laughable distance and angle, and the alleged attackers were rocking full-on ski masks. In a city with millions of unique faces, are we supposed to believe they identified these two faceless figures from a blurry aerial camera shot? Likely? Maybe. Possible? I’m going with “Probably not.”

Now, let’s flip this around and ask a different question: Why New Jersey? What’s the Garden State got to do with all this?

Not a single mafia soldier or daughter of a mafia boss has missed the opportunity to star in a reality show flaunting their connected family. Between “Mob Wives,” “Married to the Mob,” and probably “Pets of the Mob,” you’d think half of New Jersey is armed, angry, and ready to pull a Joe Pesci at the drop of a hat--if Hollywood is to be believed.

Now, if unidentified flying spy gear is buzzing around the very spots where these folks might be conducting "business" during the wee hours of thieves’ hours, you’d think they’d be a little concerned, right? Maybe even quietly handle it, you know, Jersey style. But nope, not a peep. That? I double-highly doubt it.

And let’s be honest: if one of these drones were to crash-land on the “Jersey Shore” house mid-reunion filming, I don’t think anyone would shed a tear. In fact, society might collectively sigh in relief from the shenanigans of these future Mensa hopefuls.

But where am I going with all this? Good question. Let’s keep putting the pieces together.

There’s not much our government doesn’t have its nose in. With the amount of overreach into private citizens’ lives--right down to their medical care--you’d think Big Brother was moonlighting as a pharmacist. How do I know this? Because there’s a government profile with my name on it that tracks every prescription I’ve ever had filled. Pain meds, blood pressure pills, ADHD meds--if I’ve taken it, they’ve logged it.

I found out about my little dossier when a very kind (and undeservedly attacked) pharmacist handed it over and explained that it’s all part of the effort to curb opioid misuse. Apparently, the five university-trained doctors monitoring my health and testing my pee monthly weren’t enough to get me off the government’s radar. Nope, my trips to CVS and Walgreens were known and tracked.

And yet, here we are, being told that the government somehow doesn’t know what’s flying around up there? Please. Either they know and aren’t saying, or this is just another classic media-and-government combo special, stirring up chaos to distract and redirect our attention. Either way, it’s giving me a headache--and no, you don’t need to log my Tylenol purchase.

Media cycles usually burn out faster than my interest in New Year’s resolutions. Thanks to social media and tech creating a borderless, always-connected world, there’s always some shiny new event to capture society’s attention. One story fades, another takes its place, and we’re all off chasing that next big thing. So how has this drone saga managed to keep us hooked for so long?

Simple. The puppet masters behind this nonsense have finally cracked the code. After years of studying what keeps us glued to our screens, they’ve landed on a topic Americans have been obsessed with for decades: aliens and UFOs. It’s the Goldfish crackers of distractions--perfect for quieting a restless public.

Even better, it is a neutral subject. No political landmines, no cultural debates, no lifestyle wars. It’s a mystery everyone can agree that needs solving. In today’s hyper-charged, opinionated world, finding something we all nod our heads in agreement with is like spotting a unicorn. That’s the genius of it. Aliens and drones aren’t just a distraction–they’re the kind of story that has staying power, keeping both government deals and media narratives alive and well, and most importantly, buried. Smart move, I’ll give them that.

Take a second to think about all the chaos that’s been happening around the world just in the past month. We’ve got drama from Capitol Hill over Trump’s cabinet picks, President Biden’s eyebrow-raising pardon and clemency list, and the wars and unrest brewing in foreign lands. Now, let’s flip the script and think about what hasn’t been in the headlines.

Whatever happened to the Chinese spy balloon mystery? Did we ever solve that one, or is it still floating in the land of unresolved government secrets? What about the anti-Semitic radicals storming our streets and scaring women, kids, and students into hiding--did they just vanish and leave us all to “return to regular programming”? And what’s the deal with those ships crashing into bridges and docks like magnets? Did Earth’s magnetic field just decide to play nice again and call it a day?

Oh, and let’s not forget the hundreds of Americans in North Carolina still living like they’re in a Third World country--no heat, no refrigeration, no shelter, no proper hygiene. Hardworking citizens left to fend for themselves, and the media? Crickets.

It’s almost laughable. These drones have completely hijacked the news cycle, drowning out real humanitarian crises that actually deserve society’s attention and action. I could go on, but I think you get my point: the drones are the big shiny distraction while the real issues quietly collect dust in the background.

If there’s one upside to this ridiculous, time-sucking drone drama, it’s that, for once, most of us can agree on something. Namely, that our government is absolutely lying about not knowing what’s buzzing around above us, and the media is happily playing along to keep the distraction alive.

But don’t worry, we’re about to hit the part of the news cycle where people start rolling their eyes and tuning out. The lack of any real, concrete answers will eventually wear thin, and the public will get fed up with following a story that’s just spinning its wheels. Throw in the upcoming holiday chaos, and this drone saga will quietly fade into the background--right along with all the stories that actually mattered.

Of course, the next breaking news frenzy will be waiting in the wings, ready to take over. I’d love to be wrong about this, but after studying how these trends play out, I’m not holding my breath. It’s all just one big, predictable merry-go-round of media nonsense.

As much as we’d love to believe we’re either being invaded by aliens or scouted by foreign adversaries plotting their grand coastal takeover, deep down, we all know that’s not the case. Let’s be real--we’re all secretly convinced this whole phenomenon is going to quietly disappear, flying off into the sunset, never to be mentioned again. And honestly? Good riddance.