Some dangling participles from a 50th high school reunion

Some thoughts, comments and reactions from a recent 50th high school reunion:

The first thought is—after getting your invitation you don’t so much think, “Should I go or shouldn’t I?”  Nope, that takes a distant backseat to the much more important reaction which is: “Thank goodness I am still alive!”

Sadly, the “In Memorium” list on the 50th reunion website grows uncomfortably high.  Way too many truly quality people gone far too soon. A sign, as we are all aware, to absolutely appreciate each and every day you have.

With that thought in mind, I follow with some meandering analysis or a “post-game review,” if you will, from our recent 50th high school reunion.

…But first a quick background from whence I came from. 

Our high school had a fairly huge graduating class, well over 700, so you might expect you don’t really get to know everybody—even after four years.

Best example I can give of this, and I still remember it like it was yesterday was when we had practice for our graduation ceremony and guys and girls lined up single file to walk down the aisle toward the stage; I ended up being paired with a girl who I had literally never met or even seen before, and additionally thought she was super cute and really pretty. Where had she been the last 4 years? When I learned her name, it was the first I had ever heard of her.

So, there’s that. 

As for me, I kind of fell into the vast in-between of our high school social structure.  The often lost and forgotten middle class within the sometimes daunting high school social hierarchy. 

I was not a jock (wanted to be), not a burnout (didn’t want to be), not academically gifted (that never bothered me), and not amongst the socially awkward (although I dabbled dangerously close to this group, especially around the female contingent).

With that as a table setter here are some random thoughts from our 50th reunion: The proud New Trier West High School Class of 1974!

1. It is very strange when you haven’t seen someone since they were 18 years old, and now you see them again and they are 68.  Once reminded of their name, you recognize the face, and then your first thought is, “Boy do they look old now.”  That thought, of course, is immediately followed by the realization that that is exactly what they are thinking about you!

2. Cool to see the crossing over of whatever cliques might have existed back in high school. Another way of putting it is by saying you see people talking and conversing that maybe didn’t communicate at all during their high school years.

3. At our age, the memory starts to fade a little bit—especially the short-term stuff.  But it was amazing talking to people at the reunion, how much some of the folks remember—even the littlest and most insignificant of things. The memories—some good, some bad, some funny, some sad—but there is clearly something about the high school years that stay strong with you and linger even as you age.

4. Quick note to all future reunion organizers: Have the names on the name tags written BIG. This is key! I’m talkin’ black magic marker bold, so you are not staring uncomfortably close into the chest area of a possibly unsuspecting stranger because their name tag is too small to read.

Side note here: Mucho kudos to all reunion committee organizers. True heroes, as they put an amazing amount of time, energy and passion into organizing a 50th reunion. A thank you note, or more, is without a doubt due to them.

5. Sometimes it is difficult, because you are trying to catch up with people after not seeing them for so many years, yet it is important not to spend too much time talking to the same people —as the night does go by quickly. That is the challenge, and it is often best to roam around and try and catch up with as many different people as possible.

6. Eat beforehand. Food will be served, yes, but you might find yourself spending so much time talking to old friends that you really forget to sit down and have a full meal. So, power up beforehand.

7. On a related note, at the 50th reuinion, you really don’t have to worry about people being “over-served.” Maybe at the 10th or 12th when youthful drinking was still a thing, and could even be a problem for some—but at the fiftieth? Just staying awake past 10:00 pm and knowing where the washrooms are take on a higher priority.

8. Note to reunion photographers: Best not to have a class picture taken with people standing on rows of upwardly mobile rising benches. Adults in their late sixties, standing packed shoulder to shoulder on raised bleachers, might qualify as an example of a prime recipe for a disaster waiting to happen. Fortunately, in our case, this ugly scenario was avoided, but the domino effect could have easily come into play here, and the end result not pretty.

9.  If you are debating going up to the girl that you used to have a crush on, but never talked to in high school (translation: she doesn’t even know who you are) and letting her know about this crush you had—do it. Such was the case for me, and after some internal back-and-forth debating, I finally decided “what the heck” and came up to said young lady at the end of the night and told her just that.  Fortunately, she took it well (because it could have gone the other way),  and we ended up having a nice ten-minute conversation.

Side note: The girl I ended out marrying definitely looks similar to above crush girl and even the graduation girl I mentioned earlier—so apparently I had a “type” even before I knew I had a type.

10. Huge kudos to the spouses who made an appearance. You have to be truly brave to accompany your spouse to a 50th reunion.  Many uncomfortable “left out of the conversation” moments I should think. I even suggested to a few of these brave spouses that I talked to, that there should be a support group in the corner of the room for all spouses bold enough to attend. Maybe complimentary cocktails offered to them as well.

Final thought? I recently talked to a friend who had just finished his 60th reunion at Maine East High School. He told me at the end of the evening that they came on the microphone and informed everybody, “Just so you know folks, this is it. There will be no more reunions!”

Wow. Wake up call. I guess I better enjoy the next ten years

Cohn is a contributing columnist for Chicago Star and can be reached at [email protected].