The unreal and unbelievable world of Art School graduation

It’s graduation season! Time to be held hostage in school gymnasiums or preschool classrooms. The gyms resemble saunas, with hard plastic bleachers, and the classrooms are decorated like the Keebler elves’ hideaway. Parents are folded in half on elf chairs, knees touching their earlobes, making it impossible to take anybody seriously.

I have ADHD, and with my medication maxed out, I get bored quickly. Add in my serial people-watching habits, and graduation season becomes my version of Christmas in Spring. I recently attended an art school graduation, which was better than Christmas morning.

I don’t understand the usefulness or purpose of a Bachelor of Arts degree. My niece graduated from the School of the Art Institute (SAIC), concentrating on Art Education. She already has a job lined up teaching elementary school art. That makes sense. Most graduates are just Art majors with a Bachelor of Arts degree.

I respect artisanal crafts, and I have a deep respect for artisans. Sewing, woodworking, glassblowing, and metal forging are skills that fascinate me. Artisans learn on the job in the studio to create masterful pieces. What does an Art Major contribute?  "Hey, Mom and Dad, I graduated from art school, and now I’ll be unemployed and living in your basement." I expected the parents to look disappointed, but they beamed with pride. It was all confusing. These parents, who likely paid a hefty tuition, were thrilled about a degree that wouldn’t lead anywhere except to the unemployment office or, at best, as a supervisor at a Paint and Sip. I eavesdropped on many conversations, hearing lots of "we’ll see" and "she/he just needs some time to reflect on their college experience."

Your adult child needs to find the meaning of “employable,” which obviously does not exist in art school. The number of adults dressed in costumes was mind-boggling. As a former teacher, I couldn’t in good conscience hand a degree to someone dressed as a Roman gladiator or Bilbo Baggins. Some graduates even brought security blankets or teddy bears across the stage to accept their degree. There were wizards, goth princesses, a bride, and even a man dressed as a giant marshmallow with actual marshmallows glued to his hat and wrapped in a pride flag for a cape.

Are these people even planning to seek employment? Where? With DEI initiatives becoming a thing of the past, these poor people are going to get eaten alive by the real world. How could an institution encourage and support such absurdity? What is this preparing them for?

And let’s talk about the entertainment, separate from the costume parade. While waiting for the ceremony, I noticed a group waving pom-poms of yellow caution tape. It took me a minute to realize this was a band with a percussion section and a head-banging accordion player. Their website describes them as a mix of marching band traditions and rock and roll. They’ve earned critical praise, toured North America, and appeared on national TV. I wondered if they were hiring.

At this point, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was living life incorrectly; nothing about this day felt normal. I couldn’t have felt more out of place if I were dressed as Kamala Harris at the Republican National Convention. The entire event felt over-the-top, with individuals trying too hard to be eccentric while their parents beamed with pride. Thank goodness these graduates aren’t pursuing traditional careers. I can’t imagine my doctor walking into the room dressed as a wizard to perform my EKG.