Stephen Colbert weighed in on the conspiracy theories surrounding Jeffrey Epstein on the Wednesday, July 16, episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert. To kick off his monologue, he said, “I don’t know what you all are talking about, but everybody I talk to is talking about what Donald Trump doesn’t want to talk about. So let’s talk about it.”
He, of course, was referring to “the conspiracy surrounding” Epstein following the recent claim made by Attorney General Pam Bondi that the “Epstein Files” don’t actually exist. Epstein died in prison by apparent suicide in 2019 while awaiting trial.
Colbert pointed out, “For years before [Trump] was re-elected and recently since [the Republicans] all got in office, a bunch of high-ranking people in Trump’s administration have kept promising to release the files surrounding Jeffrey Epstein, his mysterious clients, and his suspicious death, but now, recently, for reasons that I legally cannot think of, Donald Trump seems desperate to stop us from knowing who Jeffrey Epstein’s clients were.”
The talk show host mocked Trump for calling the Epstein saga “pretty boring stuff,” sarcastically adding, “Yes, he’s right, the Epstein saga is a total snoozefest! The most powerful man in the world is blocking information about a cabal. The rich, the famous, and the royal defending a conman who regularly flies off on his private plane to his private island to do super illegal sex stuff, then the conman is arrested, people are afraid he’s gonna name names, but before he can, he mysteriously dies after being taken off of suicide watch in a federal prison during the administration of the guy who is blocking the release of the information. Boring!”
Colbert warned Trump that “you can’t build a brand on conspiracy theories and then get mad when people are interested in your conspiracy theories.” He went on to read Trump’s previous assessment of Epstein from 2002, where he called the late financier a “terrific guy” and said, “He likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”
After bringing up the recent release of a video from outside Epstein’s prison cell, which was missing a full minute of footage, Colbert said, “Last night, an analysis by Wired revealed that the video actually has three minutes cut out. Three minutes. Three missing minutes. That’s not the kind of thing that calms conspiracy theorists down.”
He then went down his own conspiracy theory rabbit hole, joking, “Further analysis shows that one of the source clips was approximately two minutes and 53 seconds longer than the segment in the final video. So follow me down the rabbit hole. What’s two minutes and 53 seconds long? The song ‘God Only Knows’ by The Beach Boys. Where do you find beaches? On islands. Who had a private island when he was alive? Marlon Brando, whose name is an anagram of Almond Baron. What are almonds? Nuts. What’s also nuts? The Jeffrey Epstein scandal. What really happened to Jeffrey Epstein? God only knows!”
Watch the full monolgue above.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Weekdays, 11:35/10:35c, CBS
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