Ask Candid Candace: Elevator etiquette and is cursing out of control?

Dear Candid Candace: Quick question on elevator etiquette—and I realize this is not exactly a critically important topic but would still be interested in your take. I live in a large condo building (and of course this could be true in an office or public building as well) and often ride the elevator several floors up. Sometimes, it is just one other person and me riding the elevator, usually in close proximity which creates somewhat of an uneasy situation. The awkward silence for an extended period of time can be very uncomfortable, but then again, you don't want to be rude and talk when the person might not be interested. Any Candid Candace clues for best way to deal with the elevator uneasiness? Signed: Too Close For Comfort

Dear Too Close For Comfort: Unless I know the person on the elevator, I try to avoid conversation at all costs, so I hear you loud and clear. I did a little research and found this to be the general consensus from some etiquette experts: Avoid eye contact at all costs (stare at your shoes, your phone, floor buttons, anything but faces); Small talk? A polite nod of acknowledgement should do it and, lastly, always say have a nice day/night. We have to retain vestiges of politeness in this insane world. BUT, if the other person “breaks the ice” and is a chatterbox, then engage at your leisure.

You’re not obligated to perform a social interview during a 30-second elevator trip. Whether you nod, smile or deliberately focus on your pocket lint, it's all up to you and the mood you’re in. Ride on road warrior and may the silence (or not) be with you:  Candid Candace

Dear Candid Candace: I’m a young teacher and coach in a high school and have noticed some of the older veteran coaches are using profanity during practices and occasionally even in games. I’m not a prude by any means but still don't think it is appropriate for a high school coach to be swearing at the players. My philosophy is we are still educators and should be setting a more positive example for the kids. The older coaches respond by saying "the kids all know and use these words anyway, so no big deal.” They say they use profanity to "reach the kids on their level,” and also to motivate them when they need a little firing up. I see their argument but still don't think it’s right.  Any Candid Candace thoughts from the sidelines?  Signed: Clean- As-A -Whistle

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Dear Clean‑As‑A‑Whistle:  Well, let me start out by saying it’s a good thing I’m not a coach since I swear like a sailor and am trying to rein it in. But, in the meantime, I can imagine this is a disturbing trend, especially for kids on the receiving end of a coach using foul language. Coaches may think they’re using profanity as a motivational tool, or a pressure-release valve, but experts say there’s no measurable benefit from profanity. It may shock the kids, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to better performance.

Meanwhile, psychologists caution that when coaches repeatedly swear, players may absorb it as acceptable behavior, not just on the field, but in everyday life, eroding discipline and respect.  

In fact, many school districts and coaches’ associations explicitly prohibit profanity, demanding that coaches act more like teachers than tavern regulars. (Hey, I resemble that remark!)

The last thing I’ll leave you with is this: The nation’s top scholastic authority, the National Federation of State High School Associations, says there is “never a place for profanity in education-based athletics.” Words matter. Period.  

And Good luck dammit! Candid Candace

(Ask Candid Candace is presented by Chicago Randolph Market, send questions to candace@candidcandace.com)