Ask Candid Candace: Fashion do’s, don’ts and drama

Dear Candid Candace: Last year, we ran into a problem with my high school daughter. Twice the principal of the school called and said my daughter was wearing “inappropriate” dress for school. Apparently, she would leave the house wearing one outfit, and then change into another one once in school. The question is this: Should I demand to check her backpack every day before she leaves or is that too much personal space invasion for a high school kid? Signed: Reluctant Clothing Inspector

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Dear Reluctant Clothing Inspector: Balancing your child's independence with the need to follow school rules is definitely a challenge, and it's great that you're thinking carefully about how to handle this situation. When it comes to teenagers, especially in high school, they’re at an age where they crave more autonomy and privacy. However, they also need guidance to make responsible choices, particularly when those choices could lead to consequences at school.

Before you begin checking her backpack every day, consider having an open and honest conversation with her. Explain why the school's dress code is important and why you're concerned about her changing clothes after leaving the house. This conversation should be less about enforcing rules and more about understanding her perspective. Is there a reason she feels the need to change outfits? Is she trying to fit in with her peers, express herself in a way that she feels isn't allowed at home or simply rebelling against the school’s rules?

No matter the reason, she needs to learn that this sort of behavior will not bode well in the big world after school. I don’t know of any business that would condone this sort of rebellious behavior, no matter how small it seems now.

I really think the goal is to teach her to make good decisions on her own, not just to enforce rules, but if it doesn’t stop, by all means, I would check her backpack. Best of luck with the fashion wars!

Dear Candid Candace: Athleisure fashions really bother me. Even as a woman I don’t want to see the curve of a lady’s bosom or derrier so tightly confined everywhere I go. I recently returned from a trip to Tokyo where women in the city are stylishly dressed and look attractive without showing so much skin or their curves. I wonder, is it just women being lazy or are they trying to look good? I can’t imagine how distracting it is for men if I can’t stand the sight of it myself as a woman. When is it appropriate and when it is not? Signed: Yeah or Nay?

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Dear Yeah or Nay: You’re not alone in your concerns about athleisure wear and its pervasiveness in public spaces. While it’s clear that these outfits offer comfort and convenience, it’s important to consider the appropriateness of such attire in various settings. Fashion, including athleisure, is a personal expression that varies widely across cultures and individual preferences.

In cities like Tokyo, modesty and formality are often emphasized, while in other places, comfort and practicality might take precedence. However, just because something is trendy or convenient doesn’t mean it’s suitable for every situation. Understanding the context is key. Athleisure is generally appropriate in casual settings, such as running errands, going to the gym, or grabbing a coffee. However, in more formal environments—such as the workplace, certain social events, or places of worship—dressing more conservatively should be expected.

But even in casual settings, I’ve seen this attire taken to the extremes, where it doesn’t even look like they’re wearing any clothing at all. THIS is definitely a bridge too far. It’s almost like they have no mirrors in their homes!

So, while personal style is important, so too is maintaining a standard of dress that aligns with the situation. It’s not about suppressing individuality, but about striking a balance between comfort and appropriateness. By choosing attire that respects the context, we can all contribute to a more considerate and harmonious public space.

(Ask Candid Candace is sponsored by Randolph Street Market. Send questions to [email protected])