Ask Candid Candace: Inappropriate hugs and itsy, bitsy bikinis

Dear Candid Candace: This one came up recently and I needed some " Candid Candace" expert advice. We were at a dinner party at someone's house. There are three couples. One of the couples we have known for a long time and are good friends. The others we just met that night. At the end of the night, when saying goodbye, I gave a hug to the good friend and then the other two couples—who we had a lovely time with and great conversation -- went for a hug at the end of the night too. In kind of an awkward moment, I gave them a " nice to meet you" warm handshake but not a hug. Just didn’t feel comfortable with an embrace on the first night. My wife hinted that it was kind of rude and I should have gone along with their gesture. Your thoughts? ­­­ Signed, Shaking Safely

Dear Shaking Safely:  I understand your concern about what happened at the dinner party. I, myself am a big hugger so I’m warning you, don’t get close to me if we wind up at the same party. But your concerns are valid as not everyone feels comfortable letting their “hug flag” fly at every opportunity.

It's absolutely okay to have boundaries. You met some new people and it's normal to feel a bit reserved, especially with physical contact like hugs. Stick to what feels right for you. You gave your long-time friend a hug, which felt natural. Your warm handshake with the newcomers was a courteous and friendly gesture that conveyed goodwill and appreciation for the evening. Non-verbal cues, like a smile or a firm handshake, can communicate warmth without the need for physical contact.

What you did was comfortable for you and that was just fine. Just keep being friendly and respectful and things will work out.

Best, Candid Candace

Dear Candid Candace: Maybe a little weird for a male to be asking this question, but how do the younger females today justify the “ why me” protective generation and the women’s progressive " don't judge us by our looks" movement, but at the same time wear bathing suits at the beach that barely cover anything?  It is Spring Break here in South Carolina and we have been at the beach, so it’s a little hard not to notice.  Seems like a conflict of thought/action, no?  Signed, Just Wondering

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Dear Just Wondering: You're a very observant fella ‘Just Wondering’!  I believe that young women, and people in general, don't want to be judged only by their looks but rather want to be seen for who they are on the inside.

Everyone has multifaceted identities and beliefs that can sometimes seem contradictory. In the case of younger women today, they may indeed advocate for the idea of being judged for their abilities and character rather than solely on their appearance. Wearing revealing clothing, such as skimpy bathing suits at the beach, can be a form of self-expression and comfort with one's body. However, someone's choice of attire doesn't negate their desire for respect and fair treatment based on their capabilities rather than their appearance.

It might seem like they're sending mixed messages, but it's not that simple. People can have different sides to them, and what they wear doesn't always match what they believe.

Best, Candid Candace

(Ask Candid Candace is an advice column sponsored by Randolph Street Market, send your burning questions to CandidCandace@ChicagoStarMedia)