October and those wedding woes

First, it should be mentioned that October, along with June, is statistically the most popular month for weddings. So right now is a busy time indeed for Chicago churches, hotels, event spaces, restaurant banquet rooms, and wherever else weddings may be held.

Wonderful, joyous, exciting times these weddings are.

But here is what I have observed. Way too many people seem to be under tremendous stress when planning a wedding. For three to four months prior to “the big day,” the soon-to-be-married couple can be under intense pressure with all the things to get done. This can have an effect, taking away at least some of the joy, fun, and anticipation of the big wedding day.

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How sad that the stress of the wedding planning can do this. 

Sometimes it seems the wedding industry can almost feed on itself. One thing leads to another, and then another, and then another— and soon the bride-to-be and groom-to-be find their blood pressure rising to near-dangerous levels.

All of this in what should be the most joyous of times. Nevertheless, the list of “to-dos” for wedding planning ranges far and wide.

The decision of who to invite and who not to invite is usually the first indicator of trouble ahead. Next is sending out the “save the date” cards, then designing the invitations, and sending the invitations, getting the invitation up on the website, making sure you have correct addresses for all invitees, securing a facility, deciding on the menu (although the food-tasting can be pretty fun!), the flowers, the cake, the night-before welcome party, securing a hotel for out-of-town guests, gift bag for those staying in the hotel, transportation to and from the venues, picking out the wedding dress—which can be nearly a full-time job unto itself with endless amount of visits for fittings and adjustments.

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Still far from done. Then there is securing a photographer, getting the marriage license, writingyour vows, having readers—if it is a church ceremony, the printed program for the church wedding, buying the ring, deciding who is going to be in the wedding party, and choosing the band or DJ for music.

We painfully continue: Don’t forget, you have to book the rehearsal dinner, buy gifts for your wedding party, plan the honeymoon destination and the corresponding airfare and accommodations, and let us not forget choosing the whole wedding registry items! Yikes!

All this doesn’t even touch on the cost of the wedding, which can set a young couple back financially as they begin their early years together.

Maybe the most stressful of all (or second after paying for all this) is that once you figure out who is in and who is out, you now have to create the seating chart complete with name tags, food choices, and table locations.

This can be a real puzzle trying to get everyone at the right table with folks they may be comfortable with. Does Aunt Marion still speak to Uncle Ted? Bob and Lois used to be married, but they had an amicable divorce—should we seat them together or better separate? We can’t put Charlie at the table with Roger because they are political opposites and that might make for some unwanted histrionics.   Can’t sit Grandpa Joe at the same table as Grandma’s good friend Harriet, because they might start using the bread in the bread basket as target practice on each other.

So, all of that and more leading up to the wedding day is simply too much. I hate to see that the stress in planning all these things is taking from the joy of looking forward to the wedding.

Wedding planners? They absolutely help. If you can afford it, definitely the way to go.  But wedding planners can be part of the problem too, because they keep “feeding the beast”—meaning they add to all of the above items and more!  Apologies here to the hard-working wedding planners, because they truly do a great job under difficult circumstances.

Bottom line? I want our engaged and soon-to-be-married couples to enjoy not just the wedding day, but the days and months leading up to it! 

This is the month for weddings, so best wishes and congrats to all of our October newlyweds!